


[MST] I Don't Need Your Gift!

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: jumping on the Frollo Freak bandwagon [1]
Category: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Genre: Bad Fic, Commentary, Creepy, Disturbing Themes, F/M, MST3k-Style Riffing, Mary Sue, Sexual Content, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 15:13:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9497870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: Yukiko's take on one of the adult content fics of Frollo Freak, author of the ever-infamous Back To The Frollo. There will be more to come.





	1. DO NOT WANT.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/260213) by Frollo Freak/Crazed Writer. 



> I know I'm late to the conversation, but I just found this collection of adult fic by FF that hasn't been sporked yet, so I thought I'd step up and take the challenge.

Part One  
**It's in two parts? Holy shit…**

"Oh Claude", I began, as I stretched across the bed, "this has been a wonderful day Thank you again for the piano."  
**PERIOD.**

I kissed him as he plopped down next to me. Claude returned my kiss, saying, "Danisha, darling, you are most welcomed, and I'm glad you enjoyed your day."  
We snuggled next to each other and said nothing, the crackling of the fire and the sounds of our breathing almost lulled me to sleep.  
**And the fire burned both of them to ashes. The end.**

Then Claude said, at last, "Now! Where is this "surprise" gift? And don't think I didn't see you whispering to Jacqueline..."  
**You creepy stalker!**

He laughed then kissed me deeply and tenderly.  
**(gags)**

I handed him the small red bag which contained _that_ gift. Claude began to open the bag, but suddenly said, "Oh! How thoughtless of me!" At once, Claude pulled a box from under the bed.

I sat up as he handed me the package. "Go on, my dear. Open it." Claude smiled as I unwrapped the package. "What could this be?", I playfully asked.  
**Make a new paragraph, damn it!**

I gasped as I pushed back tissue paper. "Oh Claude, oh baby..." Sure enough, Claude Frollo had bought me a black satin nightgown, a daring, sexy number, complete with matching robe and slippers.  
**Do you really need to wear two layers of clothing to bed? I mean, you got the blanket!**

"Thanks, sugar", I said, kissing him. "I supposed you want me to wear this tonight?" Claude looked at me smolderingly. "Why not? I'm anxious to see how well you fill this...Oh, my dear."  
**New. Paragraph.**

Claude sat next to me on the bed, as I held up that sexy black nightie.  
**Thank God it's not purple.**

He leaned close to me; I could feel his body touching mine, his breath on my neck. My nostrils flared from his spicy, man-scent.  
**Pfft… (imagines fire coming out of Danisha's nose like a dragon)**

_Oooh Claude...now I know you'll love your gift..._

"Hey, sugarbritches",  
**YOU JUST HAVE TO USE THAT WORD. By the way, lose the fucking comma.**

I said, "aren't you going to open _your_ gift?" Claude smiled as he reached in the bag, removed the tissue paper, and pulled out his special gift.

Claude's eyes widened in astonishment, embarrassment, and sheer flattery, all the same time.  
**How do you know that? Are you a psychic or something?**

I didn't know how he would react; I just told myself to be prepared for anything.  
**Have you prepared for _this_? _(shoots her with a gun)_**

"WHAT is this?"  
"It's...It's a black leather thong...G-String...jock strap..whatever you call those things. I thought you'd look really hot in that..."  


I was unaware that my words came tumbling out at top speed. I covered my head with my hands as if warding off a blow.  
**_(frying-pan in hand)_ Damn, I missed?**

Claude held up the skimpy item, scrutinized it, then firmly said, "Nisha, I can't wear this! I am a public official! What will people think..."  
**(applauds)**

 _Poor Claude! I didn't mean to embarass you!_ He closely examined the G-string once more, then softly chuckled good-humoredly.  
**You're not Roald Dahl. Stop making new words.**

"Where ever did you find this?", he asked. "I ordered it from Christy's catalog. They sell all kinds of off-beat, sexy things. I was going to get you some of those glow-in-the-dark..."  
_**(fights mental image)**_

My words were silenced by his kiss. "I am truly flattered by this... ahem...unusual gift."  
**I thought you're embarrassed by it?**

Claude Frollo held up the thong, wrinkled his nose in mock-disappointment,  
**Ditch the hyphen.**

and said, "It IS rather small."  
**Even for your shriveled-up dick?**

It didn't dawn on me right away to what Claude was referring; I just replied, "Now, sugar, you know you are hard to fit; you have such a slender waist and I...HEY!" I blushed from both shock and mild anger.  
**What did he say that offended you again? Man, this woman sure loves to make mountains out of molehills.**

 _The nerve of him...thinking I don't know his..._  
**His what?**

Claude Frollo, sensing that he 'got' me, fell back on the bed, convulsing with laughter. "My darling, I would never accuse you of...ahem...'underestimating' my...mmm...attributes."  
**Argh, weird euphemisms.**

He then sat up, took me in his arms, and kissed me like I'd never been kissed before.  
_Oh...this is so wonderful...He is so GRATEFUL...._  
**Ditch the all-caps. It looks like you're shouting. Or are you actually shouting that word in your thoughts?**

"My love", he said, still holding me close, "why don't you try on your gift, and I'll try on mine..."  
I giggled as I kissed his lips, then said, "Hmm...sort nof 'you got yo' thang, and I got my thang, let's put 'em together'."  
**How stereotypical can you get? What black person speaks like this? Stop being racist against your own race.**

Claude heartily laughed and returned my kiss. His voice was as rich and smooth as our new 'playclothes'  
**Two words.**

as he said to me, "I shall wear this; and, later, you shall have the pleasure of...Mmm...removing it."  
Claude sported a wide, wickedly seductive smile as I, sexy black nightie  
**"Nightgown."**

in hand, headed for my dressing room.

This should be one interesting night...and sweet Claude has yet to receive one more gift...Hope he's extra energetic....  
**Why is that last ellipsis four dots? And quit abusing the ellipsis already, woman!**

Does FF have your interest piqued?  
**No.**

Ready for Part 2?  
**Yes. Got more sporking to do**.

WARNING: Part 2 becomes quite erotic  
**Thank you, Captain Obvious.**

Proceed only if the little ones are not around. If you easily offend, then please don't click!  
**"Offend" and "be offended" aren't the same! Ugh, and there's still one more chapter…**


	2. No, seriously, DO NOT WANT.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More facepalm-inducing crap…

I emerged from the dressing room, clad in that sexy black satin nightie.  
**Say "nightgown" for God's sake!**

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and was wholly mesmerized by what I saw.  
The gown was of the slinkiest satin, with a plunging neckline, and a slit on the right side 末 clean up to my hip.  
**I know it's a qipao, no need to add a Chinese character there to prove your point. Also, didn't you say it was a nightgown? Who the fuck wears a qipao to bed? And that's not to mention the blatant cultural appropriation you're committing!**

It was a daring gown; it clung to my plump curves and shimmered in all the right places. I let the robe  
**Is it a qipao or a kimono? And I'm telling you I'll find you and slay you if you combine the two!**

drop a bit as I continued to marvel at how well the gown flattered my figure and coloring. Jet-black satin against dark-caramel skin 末  
**With powder? That kanji either means "the end" or "powder" (I study Japanese, so that's all I know), and I thought "powder" makes more sense here. Mmm, an unbearable bitch covered in powder and deep-fried…**

The tiny diamond studs gleaming from my ears,  
**Yo, where's the "to be" verb where you need it? I ain't even a native English speaker and I know this!**

and the dark-red nail polish  
**Unnecessary hyphen.**

provided perfect contrasts.  
_Hmm...Claude certainly has excellent taste._  
**Pfft… You have got to be kidding me.**

_Then again, he's always told me that he admires a well-dressed woman. Well, in this case, 'almost dressed'._  
**It makes no sense. You mean "scantily dressed"?**

I silently giggled as Claude came up from behind me. His hands glided over my satin-clad body while he slithered his tongue across my back and shoulders.  
**Is he licking the garment? Then I'm telling you, it ain't taste good.**

_Ooh, Claude..._

"Darling", he began seductively, "you look absolutely stunning, so utterly breath-taking."  
**And so very indecent. Again, lose the hyphen.**

Claude's hands were all over: my shoulders, my breasts, my thighs.  
**And the colon.**

I felt his hot breath as he continued to caress my skin with his teeth and tongue. "Oooh, baby", I softly whispered, then I turned to face him.  
_Oh my!_  
**Anastasia Steele?**

_Check out My Sexy Man!_  
**Why does it sound like a shitty smartphone app?**

Claude Frollo, the esteemed and powerful Minister of Justice, could've had himself arrested for indecency,  
**If you knew this…**

for what he had on would surely make the hardest, most dissipated woman in Paris blush with embarassment.  
**… then why are you making him wear that shit? Oh wait, you're a selfish bitch anyway, never mind.**

Claude's gracefully slender body was partially concealed in a black-and-purple silk velvet robe.  
**Of _course_ it has to be purple. And is it silk or velvet? Make up your mind!**

He had let the robe open oh-so-slightly, revealing his lean, hard torso.  
**Takasugi Shinsuke called. He wants his style back.**

I loved the way his skin glowed, so smooth and firm. I don't think I've ever known a man quite so beautiful.  
  
**Beautiful indeed…**

"Hey, baby", I said as I cast my eyes to lower regions, "guess I got the **right** size." Claude laughed, saying, "Oh, I am **so** glad..."  
He then examined his reflection in the mirror; his hand stroked his flat belly, then his crotch.  
**Where's the brain bleach?**

"Hmm...yes...the **right** size." With that, he took me in his arms, and kissed me deeply; his tongue hungrily caressing the inside of my mouth.  
**Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.**

He released me, then let his robe fall to the floor. There stood Claude Frollo, in all his glory, clad only in that black leather thong, and a broad smile.  
**NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! _(shields eyes to prevent further brain damage)_**

Claude sprawled across the bed, writhing that delicious body in mock-ecstacy,  
**ECSTASY. And oh, look, I know he doesn't enjoy any of this shit.**

while panting and moaning tender words of passion.  
"Do you like what you see?,"  
**No I fucking don't!**

he cooed, flickering his tongue at me.  
His hands lightly stroked his body; his skin glowed and glistened from his perspiration.  


I replied by sashaying towards the bed, swaying my hips, and allowing my robe to fall to the floor.  
"Mmm...Claude Frollo, if you aren't the sexiest, most exciting, **racist, abusive, unholy, hypocritical and all around evil**  man."  
I was now lying next him;  
**NEXT TO.**

I began to hungrily kiss his mouth, my hands stroked his silky gray hair.  
"Oooh...Nisha," Claude moaned as my mouth traveled to lower regions. "Oh...My love," he sighed the minute he felt my lips and tongue on the inside of his slim thigh. "Ooh, that feels so **good**."  
**That's three oh's already! How repetitive can you get?**

I continued to caress Claude with my mouth and hands, finding myself turned on by Claude's sinuous movements and his deep, smooth voice  
**I know that's why you like him in the first place!**

singing his pleasure and urging me on.  
"Don't stop, darling...don't...Ahhh!...don't you **ever** stop!"  
**I said leave the poor ellipsis alone! Also, an ellipsis is followed by a space!**

My hands were now on the thong. "Shall I remove this?",  
**Lose the comma.**

I asked with panting breath.  
That said, Claude lifted himself to his knees; then, with a suggestive wiggle of the hips, slowly shimmied out of that thong.  
_Mmm...let me feast my eyes on My Man_  
**Why is My Man capitalized?**

_...I can't decide...Do I like him better with clothes or without...?_  
**I already know your answer: both!**

"You sure have a fine body, Claude Frollo."  
**Stick-thin and wrinkly and shriveled up…**

Claude softly laughed as he held my body close to his; I could feel his heart beating, his warm breath on my face as he voraciously kissed me.  
Then Claude reached under my gown, and began to caress me 末  
**Since when is powder a lube?**

in a special spot that always drives me out of my mind.  
"Ooh, baby...Yes, baby...Mmm...", I moaned as Claude excited me with his mouth and hands.  
Suddenly, Claude whispered to me, "Oh, Danisha, my love. I have this incredible craving for...honey."  
**I don't think I'll be able to eat it for many days to come…**

I knew exactly what he meant, and I immediately shimmied out of my gown. Claude gently sprawled me onto the bed and began to kiss me.  
"You are so incredibly beautiful", he said as he attacked me with his tongue.  
**So he's Orochimaru now? Go ahead and strangle her to death!**

_This is so fantastic...Oh My!_  
**I know she's taken writing lessons from E.L. James!**

_...All the way down, sugarbritches...That's right, baby...go right to the hive!_  
**Be careful with the bees though.**

_Oooh.._  
**Gahhh.**

Claude fitted my body to his; I felt his desire growing as he thrusted  
**THRUST.**

his slender body against mine. "What a man...What a mighty good man you are, Claude Frollo."  
**Who is an abusive parent, irresponsible coward and genocidal racist. Yep, what a mighty good man indeed.**

Claude laughed as he continued to fan the flames of my desire.

_...And the best was yet to come...._  
**And the fic ends here. Phew.**


End file.
